Mimicking Margaret Atwood

1. What on earth are you wearing?
2. Fashion
3. Begin with a squeeky-clean and moisturized body, (depending on the look you wish to achieve you may want to skip that running-water-thingy altogether. Whatever. You decide.) Open your scented closet and discover each morning's potential with musical eyes and a prevailing storm of fun. Crank the stereo. Dance in front of the mirror. Will it be a magical day? A creative day? A purposeful day? A freaky day? Who are you? Make sure that your cologne is on before you begin to mix and match tops and bottoms, not because it may stain them, silly. Who cares, they're from the Salvation Army, the reason: it's nice when you attempt to wear them again. Shit, this shirt still doesn't work, but what is that heavenly scent? Patchouli? Yum.
4. Fashion is feeling funky today. Fashion purchased a one-way ticket to 1985. Fashion won't wait for warmer weather. Fashion's hair is highly flammable. Fashion does not have the right shoe. Fashion shaved its legs for a skirt, only to discover a run in the hose - what a waste of time. Fashion's hair doesn't compliment - step away from the scissors, you'll regret it. And face it, how many hats do you own?
5. Fashion on a budget. How can I be individual if I shop at American Eagle? Now is whenever, just wear it. Do I smell mothballs, are mothballs a good smell? They can be, call an advertiser. Faded chic. Jill Ireland has hideous feet, that's why she sells socks. What's in your closet? Don't throw it out, fashion is circular. Can I answer the door in this? When will I ever get to wear that shirt, to bed? I'll laugh out loud as I dress. I love Halloween, it's my favorite.
6. Fashion tastes like coffee ice cream. Fashion smells like foreign currency. Fashion smiles with crooked teeth. Fashion reads all the bestsellers. Fashion walks proudly with an ugly dog. Fashion feels like a crowded playground. Fashion hangs like ornaments from a boxed tree. Fashion stares head-on. Fashion rarely works twice. Fashion's critical eye is watching. Fashion is a pack of hungry wolves. Fashion can fool your perceptions, your truths.
7. "If Preparation H removes under-eye bags, then I'm wearing enough to shrink every bloated sphincter in this room." "Doesn't she even own a mirror?" "Who dresses you?" "And that lipstick, Good God, Labor Day was months ago..."
8. Fashion can be used to brighten a mood, ask any psychologist or minister. Feeling blue? Go shopping! It's the American cure to be in debt.
9. "I never wear makeup, it's slutty." It's not slutty, it's professional. "Professional women have more affairs than housewives." Because of a little rouge? Pluck your eyebrows before Oprah labels you. "Why are you wearing barn boots with that bathing suit?" Because I can.
10. When I was ten, I often made my own clothes. My mother let me wear them to school, even though I did not know how to make button holes or attach zippers. They always had to be removed with scissors. Wash-n-wear? Ha! Wear-n-tear! I failed HomeEc.